♪ is more more of what i have never had before hold me underwater teach me how to breathe ♪ ♪ i'm no son or daughter i'm nothing just me hold me underwater teach me how to breathe ♪ ♪ i'm no son or daughter i'm nothing just me i'm just me ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: diamond rings! nice job. thank you man. that was great. that was terrific. i want to thank my guests, daniel craig, dave salmoni. of course diamond rings.

tomorrow night, sally fields from "lincoln" will be here. but, jimmy fallon happening right now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that's what i'm talking about. i feel the love. great new york city crowd. welcome, everybody, to "late night." thank you for being here. we've got a giant show tonight. so this is going to be fun. welcome, everybody. welcome. [ cheers and applause ] well, guys, here's what's going on. after three years and six seasons, the final episode of "jersey shore" aired tonight. [ cheers and applause ] or as the mayans put it -- so we're off by one day. [ laughter ] have you guys seen this? there's a photo going around with president obama playing with a staffer's son who's dressed as spiderman. have you seen this. take a look at this. there it is, there. yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, it's kind of cute. obama was like, "shouldn't you be fighting the green goblin?" [ laughter ] while the kid was like, "shouldn't you be working on fiscal cliff?" [ laughter ] no problem, kid. actually the kid was really excited to meet the president,

while biden was real excited to meet spiderman. [ laughter ] [ as joe biden ] a lot shorter than i thought he was. [ laughter ] [ normal voice ] listen to this. a report just found that some new tvs can actually spy on their owners because they come in with built-in cameras and microphones. yeah. [ audience oohs ] i got kind of nervous when i heard that, but then my tv was like, "chill out, man." [ laughter ] "go fix your hair." you guys see this? earlier this week, taylor swift took her new boyfriend, harry styles, to a tattoo parlor in l.a. and he got this giant ship on his arm. it's pretty ugly. look, here. look, there's his tattoo there. [ audience oohs ] yeah. got some guns, too. >> steve: gun show. >> jimmy: but, actually, she got a tattoo as well. we have a close-up of the one she got. look at that. isn't that nice? [ cheers and applause ] very nice tattoo. everyone getting -- everyone gets a tattoo. [ applause ] everyone gets a tattoo. look under your seats. guys, i read that next year the former head of microsoft windows will teach a class at harvard business school.

it's a little annoying, though. whenever a student asks a question, he just puts him through to a guy in india. like, come on. [ laughter ] this is bad. after two months of dating, jets quarterback tim tebow and his girlfriend have broken up. [ audience aws ] yeah. when he said he got dumped, the jets were like, "well, while we're on the subject." [ laughter ] [ applause ] hey, get this, guys. earlier this month a man from new jersey became the first passenger to fly one million miles on united airlines in just one year. [ cheers ] yeah. the flight attendant was like, "you did it, mr. johnson." mr. johnson? [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] no, no. please, please, please. he was deceased. and finally, today u.p.s.

delivered 300 packages a second on the busiest day of the year. yep, handling 300 packages a second. or as the tsa calls that, speed dating. we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i don't care about the presents underneath the christmas tree i just want you ♪ ♪ for my own more than you will ever know make my wish come true ♪ ♪ all i want for christmas is you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah! that is right! that is the one and only cee lo green sitting in with the roots tonight! oh, we love you. [ cheers and applause ] he'll be performing a song from his new holiday album "cee lo's magic moments" later in the show. let's zoom in on that album cover again.

this is -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is why i love cee lo. that's why i love you. it's like -- so there's a reindeer driving. >> right. >> jimmy: it's not even rudolph. which one is it? blitzen? [ laughter ] it's not even rudolph, and he's driving like a -- what is that, a bentley or a rolls? >> a rolls royce. >> jimmy: it's a rolls royce with that parrot -- your parrot on the front of it, right? that's your bird? yeah, that's it. and then, you've got three horses of the apocalypse flying the -- [ laughter ] flying the sleigh. we love you, buddy. thanks for coming back to the show, man. it's a great record. [ cheers and applause ] we have a fun show tonight. this is big. he's one of my all-time favorite comedians. he's a legend. we're honored to have him on the show for the first time. the great billy crystal is here! [ cheers and applause ] so, psyched. plus, he's the starting center for the new york knicks and the 2012 nba defensive player of the year. tyson chandler is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] that guy's good.

and as you just heard, we have great music from cee lo green. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the best a man can get cee lo green, right there. [ cheers and applause ] there are exactly two shows left before we go on christmas break. it's time for that beloved "late night" tradition, "12 days of christmas sweaters." here we go! ♪ 12 days of christmas sweaters ♪ two days left >> jimmy: that's right. every show between now and christmas, we're giving one lucky audience member a bitchin' christmas sweater from "the countdown to christmas cabinet." and since there are two shows left, let's open door number two. [ drum roll ] [ cheers ] not yet. [ laughter ] [ drum roll ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, this is nice. [ cheers and applause ]

can we dim -- can we dim the lights a little bit? oh, yeah. it's electric. it's electric! outrageous! now, let's see who is going home with tonight's sweater. everyone, look at your seat number. if i call your number, i need you to jump up and let me know where you are. quest, can i please have a drum roll. [ drum roll ] who wants this great sweater? [ cheers and applause ] let's go right here. here we go. [ drum roll ] 216! ♪ 216. oh, yeah. oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ merry christmas. >> we love you. >> jimmy: oh, i love you right back. what is your name, and where are you from?

>> christine cashman, and i'm from atlanta. >> jimmy: you're from -- >> mama! >> mama. >> jimmy: oh, that's so nice. >> atlanta, georgia. >> jimmy: that was such a great reaction. you're like, "oh, i don't want this sweater." yeah, but -- but you do though. you do. you don't even realize yet. >> i really do. >> jimmy: can you hold this? do you mind? >> of course. >> jimmy: it is beautiful. now look at this guy. oh, my goodness. >> it's gorgeous. >> jimmy: did you want to try it on? do you want to try it? >> i would love to. >> jimmy: because in atlanta -- >> it would be fantastic. >> jimmy: in atlanta it gets cold. >> it does get cold. it does. >> jimmy: and it just -- people cold it coldlanta sometimes. [ laughter ] and that's because of that -- oh, my gosh. i just realized. >> want me to help you? >> jimmy: it has shoulder pads. [ cheers ] >> well, that's what i was excited about. i was really excited about that. >> jimmy: this is very, very big. >> i know. well, they're back in. >> jimmy: they are. totally. >> they're in. >> jimmy: they never left. >> they never did. >> jimmy: oh. oh, this is beautiful. >> thank you. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> such a gentleman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is gorgeous. it looks fantastic. thank you so much. give our winner another round of applause. it's fantastic. really great. thank you pal.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ all right. hey, guys, it's time for "late night hashtags." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic, and you send in the tweets. so because it's the holiday season, i went on twitter, and i started a hashtag called "weird holiday traditions." and i asked you guys at home to tweet out a funny or embarrassing holiday tradition that you and your family have. we got thousands of tweets. in fact, within 15 minutes it was a trending topic in the united states, which is awesome. so thank you for those tweets. and always keep them coming in. we love guys. now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite "weird holiday tradition" tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @halbrennan. she says, "we always leave milk and cookies out on christmas eve, but find two empty beer bottles in the morning." [ laughter ] >> steve: santa drinks the same beer as dad.

>> jimmy: this one is from @manninginc. he says, "the arms from baby jesus in our nativity scene broke off. so now we replace them with miniature pretzel sticks." [ laughter and applause ] pretzel sticks. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: miniature pretzel sticks. >> steve: yeah, miniature ones. not big ones. >> jimmy: yeah, not giant pretzel rods. no, just a stick. this is from @graciebell06. she says, "as each gift that is opened my uncle yells, 'it's a sports bra!'" [ laughter ] i'm going to steal that. i don't know why it's funny. i laugh at it though. i'm going to do that this year. this one is from @ziggaplease. [ laughter ] >> steve: zigga. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she says, "after unwrapping a present we ball up the paper and throw it at ceiling fan and cheer when someone gets hit in the face." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: yay! it's a sports bra.

>> jimmy: it's a sports bra. this one's from @modok. he says, "after our christmas dinner, my family gets out a cuff to see whose blood pressure is the highest." [ laughter ] >> steve: uncle mort's is really low. >> jimmy: i win. it's zero. mr. johnson? mr. johnson? this last one here is from @kelseymh. she says, "we aren't allowed to open any presents if we don't have these on." we have a picture. there you go. [ audience oohs ] that's a great tradition. there you have it. those are tonight's "late night hashtags. [ cheers and applause ] to check out more of our favorites go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ hashtags. [ applause ] that is really funny. hey, guys, i'm in the spirit of giving right now. [ cheers and applause ] and we're about to give away some awesome stuff. it's time for "late night stocking stuffers." here we go. ♪

>> jimmy: that is right. every night this week we're giving away an awesome gift to every single person in our studio audience. [ cheers and applause ] this is a good one. this is a good one! [ cheers and applause ] [ drum roll ] everyone here is getting -- a kindle fire hd! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: whoa! come on! >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about! that's what i'm talking about! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: the kindle fire hd offers 22 million movies, tv shows, magazines, books. plus, it's perfect for e-mail and social networking. jimmy! >> jimmy: very cool. everyone enjoy the kindle fire hd! we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: ah! i'll tell you, jimmy. you know what i love, jimmy? i love baseball. when we get to st. louis, will you tell me the guys' names on the team so, when i see them in that big st. louis ballpark, i'll be able to know those fellows? >> jimmy: all right.

but, you know, strange as it may seem, they gave these ball players nowadays very peculiar names. >> steve: funny names. >> jimmy: nicknames. pet names. now, on the st. louis teams, we have who's on first. what's on second. i don't know is on third. >> steve: that's what i'm trying to find out. >> jimmy: i'm telling you. who's on first. what's on second. i don't know is on third. >> steve: do you know the fellows' name? >> jimmy: yes. >> steve: then, who's playing first? >> jimmy: yes. >> steve: the fellow on first base? >> jimmy: who. >> steve: the guy playing first base for st. louis. >> jimmy: who. [ light laughter ] >> steve: the fellow who's on first base? >> jimmy: who is on first. >> steve: what are you asking me for? >> jimmy: i'm not asking you. i'm telling you who is on first. >> you guys talking about me? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes. yes, as a matter of fact, we are. this is who. >> steve: how show i know? i've never met the guy! >> jimmy: well, now you've met him. >> steve: met who? >> jimmy: yes. >> steve: look, would you tell me your name? >> who. >> steve: you! >> jimmy: who. >> steve: him! >> me? >> steve: yes! >> who. >> steve: hmm. what is your name? >> jimmy: no, no, no. what's on second. this is who. >> steve: that's what i'm trying to find out! >> jimmy: all right. calm down, will ya? >> steve: okay, listen. when i say hello to this fellow right here, i'm saying hello to

who? >> hello, nice to meet you. >> jimmy: see, now you're starting to get it. [ laughter ] >> steve: get what? >> i'm right here. >> steve: and who are you. >> i'm who. >> steve: what? >> yes? >> steve: ooh. who's this fellow? >> jimmy: no, who is that fellow. >> i am who. who am i. >> steve: how am i supposed to know? what's your name? >> jimmy: no, what is his name. >> steve: i'm not asking ya what his name is. i'm asking you, who is this fellow right here? >> that's right. >> steve: but what's his name. >> what is my name. >> steve: you don't know your name? >> of course i do. >> steve: well then, tell me. >> what. >> steve: your name. >> what. >> steve: what's wrong with this guy? >> jimmy: who? >> what? >> yes? >> steve: no. i think he's got a hearing problem. >> jimmy: who? >> what. >> yes. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: look, can't you see i'm talking to him? >> who? >> what? >> who? >> what? >> who? >> what? >> who? >> what? >> jimmy: boys, boys! settle down! now then, i'm glad that's all cleared up. he's who, and what is his name. >> steve: i don't know! >> all right. gentleman, i couldn't help overhearing your conversation -- [ cheers and applause ]

look, it's very simple. the fellow's actual name is who. w-h-o. and this fellow's actual given birth name is what. w-h-a-t. >> steve: well, that clears it up. why didn't you just say that in the first place? but wait, who are you? >> i don't know. >> all: jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ ryon ] eating shrimp at red lobster is a fantastic experience. 30 shrimp for $11.99. i can't imagine anything better. you're getting a ton of shrimp, and it tastes really good! [ male announcer ] hurry in to red lobster's 30 shrimp for just $11.99! choose any two of five savory shrimp selections,

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy award winning performer and legendary comedian, who stars with bette midler in the new film, "parental guidance," which is in theaters christmas day. please welcome the one and only billy crystal! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, very, very nice. you're a gentleman. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] come on. [ cheers and applause ] i mean -- >> i'm telling you, darling. >> oh, you know. that song. i wrote that song with paul shaffer. i haven't heard that song since 1986. >> jimmy: oh, come on. [ light laughter ] >> no, it was really good.

>> jimmy: i bought the 45, "you look marvelous." >> yeah. oh, man, that was great. >> jimmy: yeah. welcome back. thank you for doing "who's on first" earlier on the show. >> oh, yeah. speaking of "who" -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> how about a nice round of applause. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was fun. >> i didn't get to see you the other night at madison square garden, for the concert for sandy relief. >> jimmy: you were great. 12/12/12. >> yes. so speaking of the who -- the who gave me this guitar pick. and you see what it says on it? the who. and the date on the back. >> jimmy: the who right there. >> i want you to have it. >> jimmy: [ gasps ] really? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ audience aws ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i will use -- that's amazing. pete townshend's -- pete townshend's guitar pick. oh, how great is the who? they're always phenomenal. >> the music is 50 years old. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter, though. people are just drunk and going -- blah-ah! [ light laughter ] >> i know. but think of your parents' 50-year-old music. you can't do anything to that song. >> jimmy: no, you -- you really can't. but, that was just -- it just blew people's minds. what a great night that was for everyone coming out and coming together. i asked to you do that bit because i know you're a big

baseball guy. if you remember this, i went to go see your one-man show. >> yes. >> jimmy: which anyone who has never seen this, i'm telling you, it's one of my favorite things i've ever seen. "700 sundays." and i was -- first of all, not only was it funny -- from the get-go it's funny. but then, i started -- it made me cry, and i couldn't stop crying. >> were you hungry? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so then we go out to dinner. >> and i said, "two other people got to tag along with us and come with us." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and you said who? and i go, "sandy koufax and billy cunningham." sandy is the greatest left-handed pitcher of all time, and billy is a hall of fame basketball player. >> jimmy: sandy koufax. >> right. >> jimmy: this is like having dinner with one of your favorite comedians and a moving baseball card. i mean, it's -- [ laughter ] it's sandy koufax. well, you know, you're not real. you're like -- >> we're walking to the restaurant. we're walking to the restaurant, and jimmy's walking ahead of us. like, you know how parents have to put a leash on kids? [ laughter ] he needed one. he was so -- just like a hyperkinetic maniac, anyway. [ laughter ] and he's on the phone. >> jimmy: yeah.

>> you were on the phone with your dad. >> jimmy: yeah. >> "you're never guess who i'm going out with. sandy koufax and this big tall other guy who i don't know who he is." [ laughter ] the whole night -- the whole night we're in the restaurant, which they stayed open for us until like 4:00. >> jimmy: yeah, lattanzi was the name of the place. [ whispering ] >> "dad, sandy koufax is having pasta." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was going down what he was having. i couldn't believe it was real. >> but you were calling -- >> jimmy: i was like, "pinch me." i never -- >> like, "we're on the salad now. we're on the salad now." [ laughter ] so much fun. >> jimmy: but thank you for coming on -- finally coming on the show. it's your first time here. >> i didn't know you had a show until the other day. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's why i need a publicist. >> i am pleased -- >> jimmy: have you ever -- no, seriously though, have you seen the show? >> oh, of course, yeah. i saw you with the president. you did the news. >> jimmy: i slow jammed the news. [ cheers and applause ] >> you slow jammed the news. >> jimmy: that was the coolest. >> and how cool is he? >> jimmy: how amazing is the president? have you met the president? >> yes. i was fortunate to have dinner with him, and i sat with him for 45 minutes. >> jimmy: he's amazing. >> and i was on the phone, you

know, calling relatives. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. he's on the salad now. but he's the coolest human being. >> he's the coolest. and you know what's going on now is you feel how much his opponents don't dig him. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and i was just thinking, you know, this inauguration is coming up -- which i'm not sure why we're having a whole big thing again. he's got the job. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, we're having a big the party. yeah, like, we already love you. yeah. >> so why don't we just take all of that money they are going to spend and give it to sandy relief or charity? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i totally agree. >> but i'm thinking how cool this would be. he hides out for five days. camp david. >> jimmy: okay. >> before the inauguration. >> jimmy: sure. >> and he shows up -- he grew a goatee. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i could see that. >> and he's got one diamond right there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the president comes -- people would go nuts. >> what would john boehner do? >> jimmy: oh, my -- [ laughter ] [ as john boehner ] >> "i -- i don't know what to say." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, he'd probably go get another spray tan. probably -- is what he'd do. yeah. how's your holidays been going? is the family all good? >> yeah, it's good. we're actually -- >> jimmy: are you in new york? >> yeah, i've been on this promotional tour.

this is my last -- last thing. and i wanted to finish with you. i've been on the road for like 25 days promoting "parental guidance." >> jimmy: "parental guidance" is the name of the movie. but you've been doing "700 sundays" on tour. >> i've been doing "700 sundays." >> jimmy: because i've been saying, "where's billy crystal's movie? i wanna see another movie." and you're like, "dude, chill out. i'm on tour, and when i'm ready i'll do a movie." >> but, i actually experienced a christmas miracle in new york. this happened last week. >> jimmy: okay. >> janice is shopping. she's in barney's. and she calls me up. and she goes, "i got a big problem. i lost my cell phone in a cab." right? >> jimmy: okay. >> but i called the cab, and he's got it. and he's going bring it back to me. and i'm going, "this is not new york that i know." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no. new york's changed now, yeah. exactly. >> she said, "you have to call him in the cab. the person at barney's is letting me use her phone. call him in the cab, and then maybe you can get it for me." >> jimmy: make an arrangement. >> so i call the cab. now, my wife's cell phone's ring is an adele song. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: as it should be. >> yeah, yeah. and she's "rolling in the deep" and it's embarrassing, no matter where we go. [ laughter ] the thing goes off.

>> jimmy: cranks up "rolling in the deep." >> and she said, "go on my ipad because and the app is 'find my phone,' and you'll track where the phone is." >> jimmy: yeah, i know this app. >> i'm not a technological guy at all. [ light laughter ] so i get on the ipad, and i find the phone is three blocks from where my apartment is. so i call up the guy in the cab, and the adele song goes off. >> jimmy: yeah, "rolling in the deep." >> and i hear -- [ imitating accent ] "hello." [ normal voice ] and i go, "are you the man who has my wife's phone?" and he goes off on me. [ imitating accent ] "don't you talk to me like that! why are you talking to me like that? i have the phone. i'll take this damn phone and throw it in the damn river!" [ laughter ] "don't you talk to me like that!" [ normal voice ] i'm like, this is some weird movie where the guy is gonna blow himself up and i gotta talk him down. [ light laughter ] no, no, no. no, it's okay. >> jimmy: "i come in peace." >> it's okay. i just want to get the phone back. that's all, you know. that's all. i said i've been tracking the phone. [ imitating accent ] "are you looking at me? you follow me now? what are you doing to me?" [ normal voice ] "no, it's an app." >> jimmy: like an episode of "24." yeah, yeah, yeah. >> so i give him my address, and he pulls up. he pulls up, and he just backs up quietly.

he looks at me. he nods like this. the window comes down. [ light laughter ] and he's -- [ imitating accent ] "you the guy?" [ normal voice ] and i wanted to scream -- [ imitating accent ] "don't you talk to me like that!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "why do you think i'm the guy? why am i the guy?" >> "describe the phone to me." i said, "adele song rings." "okay, here you go." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's good. [ imitating accent ] "'rolling in the deep.'" i love it. adele, so depressing." >> it was a christmas miracle. >> jimmy: it was a christmas miracle. you got the phone back for janice. i love it. i love, always, when you -- please, i love when you do any voice and stuff like that. of course, i always tell you "don't get me started" is one of my favorite hbo specials i've ever seen. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: you do -- he does like 30 impressions in one special. i don't know if anyone has done it. you do -- you do whoopi. you do fernando. you do sammy davis, jr. -- who's my favorite. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you actually did sammy doing "who's on first" in that special. >> we actually did. >> jimmy: with brother theodore. >> with brother theodore. >> jimmy: do you ever break out sammy davis, jr. anymore? >> holiday times. sometimes i do. i used to be sammy's opening act. so sammy would throw a christmas

party, and sammy would always sing a christmas song. and that was always the coolest thing was to watch him sing any time. and he always would -- sometimes invite a great partner to sing with him, a surprise guest to sing with him. >> jimmy: i have -- we have microphones here. >> oh, boy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: if you feel -- come on. put on the spot, but -- >> okay. >> jimmy: you can do a little sammy. ♪ [ imitating sammy ] >> you know, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers ] you know, hanging out here with all the good buddies from "late night." yeah, i mean that, and cee lo, i see you. [ laughter ] cee lo, i see you. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: sammy, amazing. amazing. [ imitating sammy ] >> get it? but i brought with me a cat tonight, and we'd like to lay this on you post-hanukkah. [ light laughter ] i've brought with me,

mr. david bowie, ladies and gentlemen. [ imitating bowie ] so glad to be here. ♪ [ imitating sammy ] that's what i love. you know what i mean. they come across the pond, and they, like, dominate. [ laughter ] so here's little thing for all your drunken buddies. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ from now on our troubles will be out of sight ♪ you have to find the key here. [ laughter ] here you go. ♪ have yourselves a merry little christmas make the yuletide gay ♪ ♪ from now on our troubles will be miles away ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ here we are as in olden days [ imitating bowie ] happy golden days ♪ [ laughter ]

♪ of yore faithful friends who are dear to us ♪ ♪ they gather near to us once more ♪ ♪ through the years we all will be together ♪ ♪ if the fates allow we'll be hanging ♪ ♪ on a shining star upon the highest bough ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and have yourself a merry little christmas now ♪ ♪ jingle bells jingle all the way ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we almost hit a key at one point. >> i have to do -- i do have another impression, though, quickly. >> jimmy: yeah, i love impressions. >> i did the "today" show the other day. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and in the next room to me is seth rogan. >> jimmy: i love seth rogan. >> i've never met seth rogan. so he's in the next room, and i heard him. and i didn't meet him. so this is seth rogan through the dressing room wall. >> jimmy: an impression of seth rogan hearing him through a wall. [ imitating seth rogan ] [ grunting ] [ laughter ] [ grunting ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's an impression you'll hear every day. >> don't do this at home. >> jimmy: you don't hear that every day. ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. oh, my gosh. let's talk about your movie. christmas day. >> i am so excited. >> jimmy: "parental guidance." it's you and bette midler. >> you know, you work with a giant like that, it was the

greatest. we had the greatest time. marisa tomei. >> jimmy: oh, i love her too. >> three great kids. we play grandparents having babysit for our kids while marisa tries to go away. >> jimmy: it's kind of based on a true story. you had to babysit -- >> my grandkids, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, it's unbelievably funny. >> it's a good movie. >> jimmy: it's a good movie, yup. i do love it. we have a clip of this. >> i play a minor league baseball announcer -- >> jimmy: okay. >> -- who is a little old school, and he's -- the town loves him, and this is after the last game of the season, which he thinks has been great. and this is what he finds out. >> jimmy: billy crystal. "parental guidance." ♪ >> well, as the great yogi barra once said, "it ain't over until it's over." well, this fresno grizzlies season is over. i'm artie decker.e of the fresn grizzles. good night, everybody. thanks for listening, and lights out, alice. ♪ i love this job. i'm fired? >> we're changing everything -- the logos, the uniforms, the music. we want to be wired in. >> to what? >> facebook. >> i'll be friends with you. >> i don't have any friends.

are there any posts? >> no. >> when was your last update? >> have you poked anybody? >> i didn't poke anyone. >> even if you were connected, i don't want to know what you post like. >> hashtag? >> huh? >> when was the last time you hashtagged? >> are you out of your mind? what the heck are you talking about? i'll tweet or make whatever noise you want. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about right there. "i'll make any noise you want." "parental guidance" in theaters christmas day. the great billy crystal, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] it's an honor. thank you so much. come back whenever. tyson chandler joins us next. there he is in the bud light platinum suite! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the capital one cash rewards card gives you 1% cash back on all purchases, plus a 50% annual bonus. and everyone but her likes 50% more cash, but i have an idea. do you want a princess dress? yes. cupcakes? yes. do you want an etch-a-sketch? yes! do you want 50% more cash?

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an olympic gold medalist, nba champion, and the 2012 nba defensive player of the year. please welcome the starting center for the new york knicks, tyson chandler! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: even on the steps, you're taller than me. this will be fun. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about. you look great, my friend. nice to see you. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: can you just tell everyone -- i just want to tell everyone. last night you dunked. you dunked, really hard dunk. it was almost too hard for the league. they should have fined you. it was -- that's how hard it -- it was a beautiful dunk. and at the end of it, you -- you pounded your chest and you -- and you told me backstage, you find someone in the crowd, and you just make eye contact with somebody. >> yeah. yeah. some complete stranger. i never know who it is. probably an awkward moment for both of us. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why do you do that, though? why? >> i don't know. i don't know. i don't know who i am when i'm on the basketball court. that's a totally different person. >> jimmy: but -- they must freak out. they're like -- oh, my god, he's looking at me. why is he -- i love you. why -- what are you doing? >> why are you staring at me? >> jimmy: that's good. we got to say, the all-star game -- nba.com. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you've got to vote for tyson chandler. i can't believe you've not --

you never been an all-star, yet. >> never been an all-star. hopefully, this is the year. >> jimmy: this is the year to do it. guys get out there and vote. [ cheers and applause ] for tyson chandler, this guy. i mean, amazing to watch play. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i've got to say, another cool thing i know about you -- that i've heard through the grapevine. -- you're a real great photographer. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're really into photography. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you did this thing, who -- who did you sign up with -- a charity? >> ap. ap images but it was all for unicef. >> jimmy: unicef. >> yeah. we went to africa. i went to do some unicef work. and then, afterwards, went on a safari. took a lot of pictures. >> jimmy: you've got to see these photos. you're in -- look at this. you got -- were you close to that elephant or is this -- that's insane. >> yeah, i was actually a little too close to this elephant. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, he was looking at you like, "dude, this is not going to end well for you, man." >> exactly. >> jimmy: it's like you after you dunk. you're just staring at like -- [ laughter ] hey, man. i -- i don't know who i am right now. >> you know what the funny story about this is, i'm going -- and i'm like, "okay, i've got to get this huge elephant." and we're like searching it, and the driver's like, "i'll get you really close." so i'm going. i'm like, "okay, get me closer. i can't get a good shot." i'm like, "get me closer." and i look up.

there's about 85 elephants surrounding me. and i'm like, "too close." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: back up, back up! back up, back up! look at this picture right here, too. this is a lion right here. that's amazing that you were there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know, i went to tanzania once on the mtv show. i was there, and this crew kid -- his name was jesse. he said to me -- he goes, "do you want to go on that safari thing?" and i go, "no, i'm going to sit -- wait until we do this bit for mtv." i go, "i'm just going to take a nap in the tent." so i take a nap in the tent. he goes, "all right, i'm going to go." so he leaves. he comes back. he's like, "dude, dude, dude. you missed it. you missed it. oh, my gosh. i saw everything. i saw an elephant." "you saw an elephant? that's crazy. i didn't see one. i'm so mad." he goes, "i saw a giraffe. i saw a lion. just look at my phone. look at my --" it's his camera. so i show like his camera. he had a picture of a lion giving birth. i go, "what? [ laughter ] where is this happening? let's go right now! let's go!" and he goes, "you missed it!" i go, "oh, my god!" and he goes, "i'm just playing." i took pictures of postcards." [ laughter ] [ applause ]

it was the best burn i've ever seen. it was so good. it was one of the funniest jokes i've ever seen. every time we -- dude, you've got to do it next time you're on vacation. i just took a picture of a rainbow and waterfall. just take a picture of the postcard. >> that'll be my next -- >> jimmy: that's what i'm saying. >> that's incredible photography. >> jimmy: exactly. yeah. so, every time we have people on the show -- we'd like to challenge you to a game. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'd like to challenge you to maybe a shooting game if you don't mind. >> yeah, sounds good. >> jimmy: all right, guys. when we come back, tyson chandler and i are going to play "random object shootout!" come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ droid dna augmentation initiated. vision expanding to a 5-inch 1080p hd display and camera. touch acquiring nfc. hearing evolving with beats audio. wireless charging activated.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. i'm here with the great tyson chandler. go to nba.com and vote for this man in the all-star game. come on. we want to see him dunk. it's going to go down. we love this guy. the new york knicks, of course. we're going to head to head in a random object shootout. you've probably never done this before. the rules are simple. we're going to take turns shooting random objects at the hoop. each object is worth one point. and the last object, the money ball, is worth two. high scorer wins. take a look at what we're shooting. a fruit cake. a boll of holiday ornaments. [ laughter ]

mannequin head wearing a santa claus hat. [ laughter ] stocking stuffed with coal. ooh. [ audience oohs ] and here's the money ball. a singing little penguin. [ audience aws ] yeah, very good. all right, good. all right, keep quiet. all right, here we go. now, tyson, you're my guest so please go first. this will be the line here, yeah. >> all right. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: all right, buddy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] all right, my friend. >> i throw this -- >> jimmy: throw the whole cake and try to -- yeah, yeah. >> just the cake part, right? >> jimmy: just the cake part, yeah. [ light laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> if only i can make free throws like that. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! holiday ornaments. here we go. whoo-ha-ha-ha. all right. ♪ [ laughter ] all right. ♪ that's all right. that's all right. ♪ [ audience ohs ] all right. no, we didn't get it. all right, we didn't get it. >> okay, here we go. >> jimmy: mannequin head. mannequin head, here we go. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's almost like you've thrown a mannequin head before. that's how good it was. >> i've done this before. >> jimmy: yeah. [ audience oohs ] ♪ all right. all right. i can breathe now. i can breathe. ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] man. come on, man. geez, let me win. ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ [ audience oohs ] all right. i'm so mad right now. all right. let's just go for the money ball anyway. >> two points. >> jimmy: two points right there. go for it. this guy's the best. ♪ oh, my goodness! ♪ that's the highest score we've ever seen. ever. [ cheers and applause ] tyson chandler right here. tyson chandler. watch the knicks take on the chicago bulls this friday on nba tv at 7:30 p.m. eastern.

cee lo green performs next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ]

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest just wrapped his third season as a coach on nbc's "the voice." and tonight, he's here to perform the classic "what christmas means to me." from his new album "cee lo's magic moments," please welcome cee lo green! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> clap your hands, new york city. it's christmas time! [ rhythmic clapping ] ♪ ♪ oh yeah candles burnin' low

lots of mistletoe lots of snow and ice ♪ ♪ eveywhere we go choirs singin' carols right outside my door all these things and more ♪ ♪ that's what christmas means to me my love that's what christmas means to me my love ♪ ♪ oh yeah i see your smilin' face like i never seen before even though ♪ ♪ i love you madly it seems i love you more the little cards you gave me touch my heart for sure ♪ ♪ all these things and more darling that's what christmas means to me my love ♪ ♪ that's what christmas means to me my love

oh my heart is runnin' wild ♪ ♪ as angels and a little child greet you 'neath the mistletoe ♪ ♪ kiss you once and then some more wish you a merry christmas baby ♪ ♪ and such happiness in the comin' year oh yeah let's deck the halls ♪ ♪ with holly sing sweet silent night fill a tree with angel hair pretty pretty lights ♪ ♪ go to sleep and wake up just before daylight all these things and more ♪ ♪ all these things and more ♪ ♪ that's what christmas means to me my love that's what christmas means to me my love ♪ ♪ all these things and more all these things and more ♪ ♪ that's what christmas means to me my love ♪ ♪ that's what christmas means to me my love